I seem to be struggling with myself at the moment. I am not really sure what it is. Self image, confidence and everything like that seems to have taken a rather large knock and I am not completely sure why!

Take a facebook status for example... I said something like I was "wilting and deflating" and someone had clicked "like". After the initial jokey comment saying "oi not funny" kind of thing, it ate a way at me and I ended up wondering if it was them being happy I was feeling like this! Rationally I doubt it but there's always that niggling question that burns away... one that I shall no doubt have to tie up my fingers to stop emailing to ask :roll:

And pole dancing last night... it was great... advanced hangback, V sit, statue, one handed spin... I did all of them (the V sit to a degree but I know it won't be long until its perfected) but when it came to the choreography I lost it and could only really do the hangback, I would have done the statue too but I kept slipping down the pole :roll:

As a consequence of that I left feeling crap and like I was the worst in the class (Its hard to go from being one of the best to a newbie :roll: ) Yet I know I am strong enough to do everything and I know there are 2 girls in the class who are likely to struggle with the flying eagle (because one can't do the eagle and the other, the last time I saw, couldn't quite do it but thought she could, and I have a feeling she has been in spain for the last few months!) We have to do 3 flying eagles in this routine!! (I love that name!! Flying eagle sounds great :)) ).

So heading home last night I was on a huge downer, which hasn't completely left me. I know that being as tired as I was last night, was a huge factor in the pole dancing thing, I know I can do the moves and it wasn't even a bad lesson, it just felt like it by the end!

Today I feel completely shattered and the thought of having to teach 3 or 4 girls things this evening is a rather dauntiung one! My guides are crotcheting hats for themselves and they will look awesome once they are done but there are a few I really need to get listen how to do it :roll: